Nicky The Good

Via NYPOST “My mom burst out, “YOU NAMED THE BABY WHORE???” and my cousin started screaming. We are a loud family but holy hell,” she said. 

The term “Harlot” means old-fashioned, disparaging. : a person who has sex with someone in exchange for money : prostitute.

First off, congrats to the family! A baby is a beautiful thing.

Anyway, this Mom tried to be a little extra and get sentimental/fancy with her child’s name. She was so excited to reveal it because it was a combination of the grandparents, Harvey and Charlotte. She used that math(?) to name the baby Harlotte. Brownie points for the Double “T”, very cool and edgy. Little did she know that she just destined her child for ridicule and a permeant place on reddit. Something they can all look back on at this parent-anointed sex worker’s Sweet 16.

So how did we get here? How did we get to the point that we mistakenly name our children floozies?

I’ll tell ya, it can all be attributed to one person. Gwyneth Paltrow. Like 19 years ago she named her daughter Apple and we’ve been fucked ever since.

As soon as she named her daughter after a fruit it was over. Ordinary people tried to be unordinary and follow in her footsteps, which is always a recipe for disaster. However, as dumb as Apple is for a first name, there comes a level of acceptance when your parents are A list celebrities. You can get away with it. Regular people though, nah, you don’t have that privilege. Just go with Mike or Maria and call it a day.

And it hasn’t stopped. Kids have been named after colors, directions, shapes and locations. All fucking stupid. What happened to decency?

You know who doesn’t fuck around with names? The Italians.

You’re a boy? Great! You got a 75% chance of being Anthony or Frank. If neither of those are your first name, the second option will be your middle name.

You’re a girl? Great! You got a 75% chance of being Maria or Donna

Ya see? Easy, traditional and above all, not a whore.