Nicky The Good

On last week’s Unnamed Show the topic of future marathon challenges was brought up by Whitney, which led Dave to tease that a potential challenge could be the coveted 300 Game in bowling. A feat that more people will ever fail than achieve. Even for the pros this is difficult. Open frames are almost guaranteed even at the highest level

When Dave mentioned this to Whitney, Whitney and Kirk naturally responded in the most logical way. “Impossible”. Dave, a man who has done seemingly impossible things many times over in his life, did not necessarily agree.

Similar to Whitney, when Dave mentioned the concept of a 300 game challenge it sent shivers down my spine. Is it POSSIBLE? Yes, but this one is dangerous. Now it’s important for me inform you all that I’m not some ordinary person giving my opinion. I’m not no jabroni.

I’m a City Champion. I’ve won Championships. My father is a very, very good bowler. I’ve competed at a high level. My high game is a 276. I threw it when I was 15 years old. When I was 12, I competed in a 12-16 year old tournament at Rainbow Lanes in Brooklyn. Out of around 200 kids, I finished 5th. I also attended Xaverian High School in Brooklyn New York, which was a known bowling juggernaut. Anything other than a City Championship would be a massive failure. Our entire team was fat, including myself (at the time). 5 foot nothing, 220lbs. We’d go to Wendy’s after every win. I ate Wendy’s a lot.

What’s my bowling prowess now? I haven’t bowled competitively in years outside of a few tournaments, but let’s just say I’m better than 99% of random ass people picking up a ball at any point.

Now that I’ve laid out my credentials to comment on such a niche topic I need to warn you all. A 300 game is a trap. You must build a well thought out format that makes this realistic. A miss in the format is a death sentence. You will die in that bowling alley, clown shoes and all, eating school lunch pizza. I’d argue it’s the hardest feat you’d attempt as a group. Here’s why:

Variables.

Unlike a Golf simulator or Free Throws, it’s NOT one to one. In golf there’s one golfer, one ball, one hole. In Basketball, one shooter, one ball, one basket. These are more controlled environments. With bowling, you’re dealing with an unreal amount of variables, something we in the biz call “pin action”. There’s one bowler, one ball, but 10 pins. There’s the oil of the lane. It’s not the same every frame, it changes with every attempt. And there lies the problem. The probability that you’ll fail due to nothing more than chance is MUCH greater.

To put it easy, even if you hit the pocket perfect, you need all 10 pins to react in a specific way to toss a strike. And to do that 12 times? Good luck.

Not to mention, the sheer toll it’ll take on your body. Let’s say the strategy is to try and lean on one member of the team a considerable amount. You have the hip, the quads, the hands/fingers that will reach fatigue. Form will be compromised. It’s painful.

There’s also the hardware. I assume you’d guys pick up those Mickey Mouse balls that the alley provides you. Good fucking luck. Here’s the bad news. Those pieces of trash don’t generate the same quality as a top line ball. Rotation, texture, weight etc … you need big boy balls.

So here’s what I propose:

Task: Barstool Employees must achieve a perfect 300 game to complete the challenge

The Rules (mulligan system)

• 1 Re-do per 300 attempt
• You can also EARN one additional Re-do per if Dave or Dan picks up a spare (2nd toss of any frame) in said round. I love this option because it will build strategy into the game. If you have a 7-10 split, you’d never attempt the mulligan. But curious leave the head pin, go for it. Strategy puts asses in the seats.
• 1 Pinch Hitter (with a pro bowler). Let’s get that good PBA integration. Let’s get that cross promotion on the Internet.

This may seem like a lot, but the reality is that the variables will come into play. This isn’t free throws. You’ll toss perfect balls that will end up getting bricked, stoned. The 10 pin will not be your friend.

If I’m being honest, even with the above format that still requires 9 strikes in a row, so unless you bring in ringers, I have my doubts. I’m worried.

You’ve been warned.